BFF test

Poems, novels, songs and films. From Romeo and Juliet to Taylor Swift, celebrations of romantic love are everywhere in society. It is much harder to find examples of friendship being treated the same way in popular culture.

But what if friendships mattered more than finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend? That is the claim made in a new book by American author Rhaina Cohen. The Other Significant Others describes a series of people who have made their best friend the central relationship in their life.

The friends in Cohen's book do not simply go to the cinema or on holiday together. They also buy homes and raise children as a pair. In some cases, they care for one another when sick and dying.

These friends are performing a role that used to be reserved for family members or romantic partners. Cohen suggests using terms like "non-romantic life partner" or "best soul friend" to make clear how important these relationships are. She also argues that this kind of love can be stronger than a marriage.

Love means lots of different things. Philosophers in ancient Greece used several words, each one describing a particular emotion. Two of the most important types were eros, which is a passionate physical love, and philia, which is a loyal and respectful love.

People often think that eros is more profound or lasting than philia. Certainly, this is the type of love that has inspired painters and writers over the centuries. However, in the modern world, love between friends may be more stable than the romantic version.

According to statistics, 55% of Gen ZShort for Generation Z, meaning people born in the late 1990s and early 2000s. and MillennialsPeople who reached adulthood in the early 21st Century. say that friendship is more important than a romantic relationship.¹ At the same time, fewer people are going on dates or getting married. One survey reported that 79% of recent university graduates did not use any dating apps.² Those who do complain about spamming, ghostingWhen somebody suddenly ends communication with another person without any explanation. and struggling to find anyone they like.

No surprise then, that the percentage of people who have never been married or in a civil partnershipA legal union between two people who are not related. is rising in the UK, Europe and the US. Given that half of American marriages end in divorce,³ friends are more likely to remain when lovers have gone.

However, some people think this is putting too much pressure on friendships. A long-term romantic relationship comes with expectations that a friendship does not share. For example, if someone gets a great job in a different city, they could ask their husband or wife to move, but not their friends.

Most people have several friends and one romantic partner. The law recognises this, with marriages offering legal rights that do not exist in friendship. They include tax and inheritance benefits, and the ability to make medical decisions on your partner's behalf.

Whatever a person's relationship status, having friends will make them happier and healthier. In fact, research suggests that friendship is as important for your long-term health as diet and exercise.⁴ So, even if friends play a different role to romantic partners, none of us can live without them.

Is friendship better than romance?

Yes: Dating apps, divorce rates, heartbreak - no wonder people are staying single. If a friend can provide all the support of a partner, there is no need to be in a relationship.

No: Friends and lovers are two different things. Finding the right partner has always been hard, but that does not mean we should give up on romance completely.

Or... It is a mistake to think that different types of love are competing with one another. Good friends can encourage relationships when they start, and comfort us when they end.