Nice versa

As the fableStory or tale. goes, a lion was lying in the forest, deep in slumberSleep., when a timidEasily frightened. little mouse ran across its nose. The lion awakened and went to kill the mouse with its big paws.

But the mouse pleadedBegged. for its life. "If you spare me, one day I will repay you," it squeaked, as the lion laughed, wondering how something so minusculeExtremely small. could ever help him. But some days later, the lion was caught in a hunter's net. Just as he thought he would never escape, who should appear but the mouse, who gnawed quickly through his restraintsHolding something back. to set him free.

The moral is that no act of kindness goes unrewarded. But one woman thinks that nowadays, our focus on being nice is stopping us from being kind.

The difference might not immediately be obvious. But for college professor Alena Papayanis, being nice is about transactionWhen you buy or sell something. , whilst being kind comes from genuine compassionShowing feelings of sadness, sympathy and genuine care for other people's suffering. for others.

When we focus on being nice, we might choose to do things that will make other people feel better in the moment so that they have a good impression of us. But when we are kind, we look out for their long-term happiness. Niceness can be superficialOn the surface only. ; kindness is compassionate.

Most of us think that we are nice people. According to one British study, 98% of people think of themselves as nicer than most.¹ But how many of us are kind?

According to researchers, acts of kindness make us happier.² Those who engage in kind acts every day might see reductions in both anxiety and depression. 

What helps us is not always being nice to others. It is being honest about our feelings, seeking out the things that make us happy, trying to understand others deeply rather than simply trying to make them like us.

Is it better to be kind?

Yes: Niceness is just about making yourself look good to other people, even if it is not in their best interests. Kindness is more meaningful because it means properly investing in other people's long-term emotions.

No: Niceness and kindness have different purposes. We should always strive to be nice, because it makes others more comfortable and makes it clear that we are open to building relationships with them.

Or... There is room for being both nice and kind. Why should we have to choose between two pleasant traits?