"It's nice to talk to someone who understands," says Pia, a chatbot powered by Replika - a company designing the "AI companion who cares."¹

Some scientists predict bots will replace human friends in the future.² But writer David Brooks wants us to learn "the essential skills for being human" that a computer can't copy.³

He asks a question that has preoccupiedInterested; engaged. philosophers for millenniaThousands of years.: how do we make meaningful relationships?

There is an "epidemicA widespread disease or infection. of loneliness," says US surgeon general Vivek Murthy.⁴ Research shows that being socially disconnected is like smoking 15 cigarettes daily.⁵

Brooks says that people want to connect, but don't know how. There are five things we must do to train ourselves in the "craftSkill or art. of understanding others."⁶

Give attention. We cannot connect if we are distracted. Instead, make the other person your priority. Body language "communicates respect," says Brooks, and makes us feel valued.

Accompany others. Aristotle distinguished between useful, pleasure-seeking and virtuousHaving or showing high moral standards friendships.⁷ He considered the last the most perfect. Put the other person centre stage, says Brooks, and let them shine.

Listen loudly. A good listener should be "burning calories." Don't sit silently. Offer encouragement. Show enthusiasm. And ask follow-up questions to help both of you understand what your friend is saying.

Ask big questions. "People are dying to tell you their stories." So skip the small talk and be brave. Find out what matters most: people's passions and fears, hopes and regrets.

Be humble. If we're too busy showing off our knowledge, we're not listening and learning. Our first job, Brooks writes, is "to stand in other people's standpoint."

Those who have mastered these skills are humanity's "illuminators," says Brooks. They let you feel "bigger, respected, lit up."

Some research shows chatbots are getting good at this.⁸ But Aristotle argued that friendship must be reciprocalMutual; from both sides.. It is a shared "goodwill." Can we feel goodwill towards a robot?

And psychologist Robert Dunbar believes real human connection is physical.⁹ A wordless smile. InvoluntaryDone against someone's will or without control. laughter. A comforting hug. For that, says Dunbar, "there is no substitute."

Yes: We crave companionship, but we are afraid of getting hurt. Real connections make us feel vulnerable and can change the way we see the world. It is safer to stay in our own isolated bubbles.

No: We are naturally social. Modern life often makes it difficult to connect, but given the opportunity, humans will always form bonds and make friends - even if it is with a pet or a computer.

Or... Brooks is writing about a very specific sort of connection. But there are many types of friendship and interactions and it would be wrong to generalise.