Too morose to propose

Queen Victoria. Britney Spears. Elizabeth Taylor. Judge Judy.

At first glance, these women may not seem to have too much in common. But one thing unites them: they all popped the question to their to-be husbands.

Today is leap day. It happens only once every four years, when an extra day is added to the GregorianIt is named after Pope Gregory XIII, who introduced it in 1582. calendar to make the year consist of 366 instead of 365 days. 

Since the Earth takes around 365 days and six hours to orbit the sun, we end up with an awkward spare quarter of a day each year. Every four years, these quarters are added together to make an extra day - 29 February, or leap day.¹

And leap day traditions and superstitionsBelief or practices that are not entirely based on facts or reality. abound. In China, children have to give their parents gifts. In Ukraine and Greece, it is believed that weddings that take place on leap day are doomed to divorce. In Scotland, it is thought that "leaplings" - children born on leap day - will have a year of "untold suffering".

Ireland has a somewhat happier custom. In Ireland, leap day is often referred to as Bachelor's Day, since it is the one day that women are allowed, even encouraged, to propose to men. This tradition arose from the 5th Century and was pioneered by Saint Brigid, the patroness saint of Ireland.

Irish monks took the tradition to Scotland in the 13th Century, and it was enshrined in law: not only were women allowed to propose to men during leap years, but if the man refused, he would have to buy her a traditional silk dress or another lavishSpending more money than is reasonable. item of clothing.

When the customA tradition or regular way of doing things. travelled to England, the British added an even heftier fine for any man who dared to refuse a woman's hand in marriage on leap day: he would owe her a debt of 12 pairs of gloves to hide the fact that she was not wearing a wedding ring.

Some say it is a progressive twist on a stodgyDull and boring. old institution. Historically, women's marriages were arranged by their parents, usually with a substantial dowryA payment made by the bride's family to the groom's family. to sweeten the deal with the groom's family. When women are free to make their own choices, it strikes patriarchyA system of society where men hold power and women are excluded. at the root.

Literature is full of such forward women. In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, the Wife of Bath finds her fifth husband at the funeral of her fourth. In Pushkin's Eugene Onegin, Tatiana expresses her passionate feelings towards Eugene in an ill-conceived letter. In Nancy Mitford's Love in a Cold Climate, Polly proposes marriage to her love interest.

And in real life, women proposing is becoming a more popular paradigmA typical example of something, often used as a model. . In 2010, a survey found that just 5% of engaged or married women in the UK had proposed to their partners; by 2019, this number had tripled to 16%.²

But is it enough to revive the institution of marriage? In 2022, for the first time, the percentage of over-16s in England and Wales who are either wed or in a civil partnership fell below 50%. Almost 90% of the world's populations live in countries with falling marriage rates.³

In a particularly unromantic twist, 2020 saw divorces in England and Wales overtake weddings for the first time. It seems we are increasingly wising to Jane AustenAn English novelist most famous for writing Pride and Prejudice.'s claim that "happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance" - and many of us are not willing to take that chance.

But is proposing old hat?

Yes: Proposals and marriages are archaicVery old or old-fashioned., patriarchal traditions which were only invented to perpetuate women's subjugation to men. It is time for a complete overhaul.

No: Marriage is one of our oldest institutions, and it is not going anywhere any time soon. The fact that more women are proposing is proof that it will modernise to suit the contemporary world.

Or... Proposals are not going anywhere any time soon. Perhaps fewer people are proposing, but only because proposals are getting more showy and ostentatious, with huge public displays and lavish setups.