Laura swallowed the last chocolate and then stared at the box in despair. It was 12 January and already she had broken most of her New Year's resolutions. She had eaten lots of sweets. She had not been to the gym. She had not kept her room tidy. What hope did she have of becoming a better person in 2023?

This is the problem addressed by Tish Harrison Warren in her latest column for The New York Times. "Over the last decade," she writes, "I've found a strange source of inspiration. The lives of monks and nuns."

Because of their example, Harrison Warren has adopted a "rule of life". She defines this as "an overarching plan governing your daily practices, habits and routines... a comprehensive way to take stock of how you spend your time so that you can be the person you want to be."

The most famous example is the Rule of St BenedictAn Italian Christian monk and writer who wrote the Rule of St Benedict, a set of rules for monks to follow, in 516.. Set out in the 6th Century, it gives instructions to monks on everything from what time they should pray to what they should wear.

Harrison Warren has tried to find equivalents for modern daily life. Instead of times for prayer, she has times to turn off her phone and computer. Instead of renouncing all her possessions, she gives a certain amount of her income to charity.

According to John Mark Comer, founder of the Rule of Life podcast, most people do have a regular structure to their lives. The problem is that it is badly designed and does not give them the happiness they seek.  

He recommends asking yourself first what kind of person you want to be and what you value most in life. Next, look at your current and habits and relationships and work out whether they are helping. If they are not, set about gradually changing them.

A particular modern inspiration is Thomas Merton, who became a TrappistA Catholic religious order of monks and nuns that follow the Rule of Saint Benedict. monk at the age of 27. His book The Seven Storey Mountain, published in 1948, has sold more than 3.5 million copies.

"Before we can realise who we really are," he wrote, "we must become conscious of the fact that the person we think we are, here and now, is at best an imposterSomeone who pretends to be somebody else, often for personal gain. and a stranger."

"In a world of noise, confusion and conflict," he added, "it is necessary that there be places of silence, inner discipline and peace. In such places love can blossom."

Yes: You cannot be happy without self-discipline. As John Mark Comer says, the reason why many people are discontented is that they follow rules of life which prevent them becoming who they want to be.

No: We need to be flexible in order to deal with whatever life throws at us. That means following our instincts according to the situation, not being held back by self-imposed rules of any kind.

Or... Rules of life are fine if you live in a highly regulated community like a monastery. But most people have so many different demands on their time that trying to impose rules is simply not practical.