Is honesty overrated? In a new magazine article, a writer tells of growing up in a family where nobody told a lie – and the difficulties it caused him in dealing with the rest of the world.
The man who had to teach himself to lie
Is honesty overrated? In a new magazine article, a writer tells of growing up in a family where nobody told a lie - and the difficulties it caused him in dealing with the rest of the world.
The waiting room was full of children waiting for vaccinations. All of them wanted to know the same thing: "Will it hurt?" Most parents replied: "No, it won't." But one family was different. When Michael Leviton asked his mother, she said: "Yes, it will". Michael was thrilled. He felt lucky to have parents he could trust rather than ones that lied to him. But when he grew older, he found that there were disadvantages to being honest the whole time. By the time he was 29, he had to stop.
Michael's parents never told him not to lie, but they led by example. Lying was not something that happened in the household. At school, Michael took pride in his honesty. He never pretended to find something interesting if he was bored by it. He never pretended he knew someone's name if he had forgotten it. He talked openly about his feelings. He challenged anyone who braggedBoasted. Someone who boasts a lot is known as a braggart. about things they had not actually done.
What confused him and his parents was that no one else behaved like them. "For us," he writes, "it seemed as if people didn't want to really know one another".
As a teenager, he tried to persuade others to change their ways. But in his twenties, he encountered serious problems. He failed job interviews because he was so open about his shortcomingsA fault or failure to meet a certain standard, typically in a person's character.. He struggled to find a girlfriend who could accept his brutal honesty.
Finally, he fell in love with someone happy to approach life in the same way. "We talked constantly, sharing our most bizarreWeird. It comes from the Italian word bizzarro, meaning angry. feelings, observations and opinions." The problem was that this made the relationship very intense. When it came to a heart-breaking end, Michael decided he must learn to be less honest.
Though it proved a struggle, Michael found his life got better: "I couldn't ignore how much smoother every interaction went, how much happier everyone else seemed... I got piano-playing gigs by refrainingHolding back from. from mentioning that I wasn't a very good piano player."
He came to see honesty as a form of trust. He would tell his closest friends the full truth. And he found the same happened in return. People opened up to him when they really felt they knew him: "If I wanted people to be honest with me, I had to earn it."
<h5 class=" eplus-wrapper" id="is-honesty-overrated">Is honesty overrated?</h5>
Yes: To get on with other people, we have to tell small untruths to spare their feelings. Honesty is a virtue, but kindness is a more important one. Nobody wants to be told that their new shoes look ridiculous, or that you will not come to their party because you think it will be boring.
No: A successful society is built on trust. Many of the world's greatest political problems stem from the fact that voters do not believe what their leaders tell them.
Or... It depends on the lies. White lies can be just as important for helping members of society get along. But being dishonest for one's own gain is a different kind of dishonesty - the kind that can ruin governments, societies and countries.
Bragged - Boasted. Someone who boasts a lot is known as a braggart.
Shortcomings - A fault or failure to meet a certain standard, typically in a person's character.
Bizarre - Weird. It comes from the Italian word bizzarro, meaning angry.
Refraining - Holding back from.
The man who had to teach himself to lie

Glossary
Bragged - Boasted. Someone who boasts a lot is known as a braggart.
Shortcomings - A fault or failure to meet a certain standard, typically in a person's character.
Bizarre - Weird. It comes from the Italian word bizzarro, meaning angry.
Refraining - Holding back from.