Eureka! Bees talk with ‘toots’ and ‘quacks’

Should bees run the world? Bee colonies are highly organised and hugely successful societies built on cooperation and hard work. Some say we have a lot to learn from these social insects. It’s all the buzz in science today. A fascinating new study has recorded the sounds of queen bees tooting and quacking, in a complex duet that researchers believe is designed to control the royal succession and prevent civil war in the bee queendom. It is further evidence (if any were needed) that bees are amazing. For millennia, humans have admired their selfless, industrious, cooperative behaviour whilst despairing at humanity’s inability to learn from them. So, perhaps it’s time we put them in charge. Let’s look at the bee plan for government. Bigger better families. Household sizes have fallen to historic low-levels across the industrialised world as more people live alone and have fewer children. There is a loneliness epidemic and a childcare crisis. Under our new bee overlords, this will all change. We will live in purpose-built, state-of-the-art nests with our 10,000 sisters. Yes, the new society will be mostly female and will only need one male drone bee for every 100 females workers. His only role will be to leave the colony and find a mate. Any male bees still in the nest in autumn will be forcibly removed so as not to be a burden on food supplies through the winter. Working for the common good. Modern life is making us stressed, unhappy, and self-obsessed. The bees will solve all these modern maladies by giving us a new sense of purpose and a strong work ethic. We will serve the queen bee and will be assigned tasks to benefit the common good of society. Don’t worry about getting bored because everyone will have a go at cleaning, child-care, construction, undertaking, guard-duty, and foraging. However, don’t expect holiday or retirement. After six weeks, you will probably die of exhaustion. But you will die happy. Bee prepared. Everyone will be armed with a venomous sting and must be ready to defend the colony against invasion. Intruders will be dealt with swiftly and without mercy. Occasionally, you may be conscripted into wars with other hives but, rest assured, your certain death will not be in vain. Bee healthy. Hive hygiene is essential to prevent disease and infection. Thankfully, bees have designed a special antibacterial glue to protect the nest. However, do not expect to be looked after if you fall ill. Sick bees commit altruistic suicide and leave the hive so as not to infect the rest of the colony. So, should bees really run the world? To bee or not to bee No! Bee society is like the worst totalitarian regime where freedom of speech and individual expression is suppressed. We humans may be lazier, less organised, and less cooperative than the bees, but we are far better at welcoming strangers, helping the vulnerable, and celebrating difference. Yes, say others, we can learn a lot from the bees. Our selfish preoccupation with satisfying our individual needs is making us unhappy and it destroying society and the planet. A bee foraging for nectar and pollen is working for something much bigger than itself – something which will exist long after it is gone. KeywordsMillennia - Thousands of years.