Allen stalking ordeal: ‘romance’ under attack

Last October Lily Allen was awoken by the sound of banging on her wall.

‘I sat up, and the doorhandle was twisting round,’ she recalls. ‘This guy came steaming in and I didn’t know who he was. I recoiled and he ripped the duvet off, yelling.’

The man had an object stuffed inside his jacket which Allen believes was a knife. After her friend had removed him, she says, ‘there was this second outside my kids’ room when I was terrified to go in, in case of what I might find.’

The singer had endured a seven-year ordeal. In 2009, a tweeter using the handle @lilyallenRIP claimed he had written one of her songs. Letters, abusive rants, accusations and suicide threats followed.

‘He would drop off letters at my record company, my management offices, my sister’s shop, my flat,’ says Allen. She adds the response of the police made her feel ‘very alone’ and the experience has ‘affected how I live my life’.

Fewer than 10% of stalkers are strangers who follow celebrities; most are known to their victims. In England and Wales, up to 700,000 women are stalked each year; one in five women and one in 10 men experience stalking in their adult lives.

Around 43% of female, and 24% of male, stalking victims have been romantically involved with their stalkers. ‘Taken in isolation, sending flowers or waiting outside someone’s workplace to profess undying love can appear innocuous,’ says Laura Richards, of advocacy service Paladin. ‘But the relentless, repetitive pattern makes it creepy.’

Yesterday the Women’s Equality party launched a campaign calling for a stalkers’ register, a new charge of serial offending and specialist help for perpetrators and victims. But some believe the problem is deeper, and common attitudes to love make stalking seem normal.

In February, actor Andrew Lincoln said his character in the romantic comedy Love Actually was ‘in borderline stalker territory’. Others have likened to stalking the way Mr Collins in Pride and Prejudice repeatedly ignores Elizabeth Bennet’s rejections of his marriage proposals.

Seeds of the problem

Society must shoulder some of the blame, say radical feminists. Films and TV shows suggest ‘no’ means ‘try again’. Women are seen as possessions: in traditional marriage ceremonies the bride’s father even ‘gives away’ the woman to the groom. No wonder some, mainly men, believe they are entitled to control others, especially women.

Do not give perpetrators excuses, respond others. Love and monogamy provide stability, security and happiness, and most adults can differentiate between genuine romantic gestures and sinister exertions of control. Stalkers know the difference between right and wrong, and cannot blame society for their crimes.